The Pause

Photo credit: J.Wodarczyk

We breathe in, and we breathe out. Our breath has a rhythm. If we look closely, there is a pause between the inhale and the exhale. That space between allows us to recognize where one thing ends, and another thing begins. Music has its rhythm also and could not exist without the spaces in between. The rests add drama and give music meaning. In our communication, the pauses allow us to listen deeply, be fully present with each other, and respond rather than react.

In learning, our brains also need time to integrate concepts making them our own. Depth of understanding requires space. The rhythm of rest and activity is essential for physical, emotional wellbeing, and influences the quality of our relationships with others. 

Moms will easily relate to the infant cycling through patterns of waking and sleeping. Sleep is necessary in this dance. I was happier and more responsive when I rested during their naps. Errands with my toddler and infant were reminders of time and the rhythm of these cycles. The adventure to the grocery store unfolded, and in aisle 3, the polite, subtle cues emerged from my newborn son that he would soon be hungry. I increased my speed through the aisles as he raised the volume of his signals to me. Exasperated in the checkout, we both needed to pause. My toddler had her rhythms as well, happy, grumpy, then might fall apart in a tantrum in aisle 8. Eventually, young ones will rest when needed with the uncanny ability to fall asleep anywhere. I believe that children are often more in touch with their sensations and rhythm than we are. Adults frequently power through, ignoring our own needs to rest.

Studies with young learners have shown that naps help young children transform short-term learning into long term stored memory. Any sleep-deprived adult knows that the brain fog can set in and create challenges remembering and responding with her whole self on an empty tank. We know well-rested kids do better in school, and well-rested adults are healthier in life—pauses matter.

As modern society speeds up, we have less spaces in between, less pauses. In the last 200 hundred years, exponential changes have emerged in how we live. The average distance people traveled in their lifetime was 50 miles then, and they may have had only one notable change to the way they did their work. The inventions of automobiles, planes, computers, and cell phones have changed how we travel, work, and nearly every facet of human life in our developed world. In 2007, a significant shift occurred with more people living in urban rather than rural areas. In the 1970s, Sesame Street found that babies pay attention longer if the letter on-screen vibrated every few seconds. Marketing research and algorithms use neuroscience to keep us tuned in, and it seems to take us further from our natural rhythms. 24/7 news cycles never rest or encourage the pause, so it is up to us to create them.

Teenagers have news of our world at their fingertips. Parents can feel a responsibility to be informed to engage teens in thoughtful conversations about current events. It can be challenging for us all to discern when to tune in or retreat from the abundance of noise and information. Living purposefully in the information age is a great challenge for our times. I believe we are evolutionarily wired to process the joys and sorrows of a village, where community members celebrate together, offer hugs, and practical help in a time of need. Children younger and younger hear the problems of the world where the negative is much louder than the positive. They can feel powerless. Developmentally speaking, they are not ready to process the multitude of world problems. Evolutionarily speaking, I am uncertain that any of us are. It seems wise to delay placing the screens in their hands as long as possible. Then, to build in the pauses from the screens for them and for us. 

And sleep…can we say enough about that? We all know it is good for us, but our minds can be quite busy at bedtime. Lists of things to do or worries run through our minds, sometimes looping from one to the next. Pauses matter for our minds and bodies too. I believe we ignore the whispers of our bodies, sometimes until they get louder and louder. This is not unlike the infant that signals us quietly then raises the volume in the grocery store. Quieting ourselves to listen well to our bodies allows us to hear and respond to the whispers. Rest rewards us with more vitality, mental clarity, improved emotional regulation, and the restorative repairs to our bodies.

There are the great rewards for honoring the pauses. Deep listening, reflection, and creativity grows from that space in between. Boredom can often lead to something delightful. When we give the great gift of our presence and deep listening, it strengthens the bonds between us. People young and old feel valued with this kind of attentiveness. 

I invite you to look for the pauses and see them as precious gifts in modern life. I invite you to see sleep as not worth shortchanging. Silence your phone, walk in nature, savor a cup of tea, and explore time to “just be” in a way that feels restorative.  The pause can be a delight, allowing life to move with a rhythm that feels good to you. 

About the Author: Shelly Slyker, LGPC, Certified Nature Informed Therapist, Certified Feldenkrais Practioner

Shelly Slyker, LGPC

Shelly brings a rich background as both a mental health clinician and a former teacher of young children, offering a unique blend of insight, creativity, and care. Her experience in education deepens her understanding of development, emotional regulation, and the power of play and movement in healing. She holds certifications in the Havening Techniques for trauma resolution and the Feldenkrais Method of somatic education. Shelly’s work is also shaped by her connection to nature, which she weaves into therapy to support nervous system regulation and creative expression.